Haiti, the Dream Vacation

Tired of those boring old island getaways to the Bahamas, Jamaica or Trinidad?

The adventurous traveller might well consider that hidden jewel of the Caribbean- Haiti!

First, a few tips from the U.S. Consular Service-

Haiti is one of the least developed and least stable countries in the Western Hemisphere. The availability of consumer goods and services is barely adequate in the capital, Port-au-Prince, but other parts of the country experience chronic shortages.

U.S. citizens in Haiti should avoid all large gatherings, as crowd behavior can be unpredictable. Visitors encountering roadblocks, demonstrations, or large crowds should remain calm and depart the area quickly and without confrontation.

There are no "safe areas" in Haiti. Crime, already a problem, has increased significantly in recent years. In 2005, kidnappings of American citizens increased to forty-three, including three who were killed during kidnapping attempts.

Criminal perpetrators often operate in groups of two to four individuals, and are disposed occasionally to be confrontational and gratuitously violent. Criminals sometimes will seriously injure or kill those who resist their attempts to commit crime. In robberies or home invasions, it is not uncommon for the assailants to beat or shoot the victim in order to limit the victim's ability to resist.

The use of public transportation, including "tap-taps" (private transportation used for commercial purposes), is not recommended. Visitors to Haiti should arrange for someone known to them to meet them at the airport.

Roving musical bands called “rah-rahs” operate during the period from New Year's Day through Carnival. Being caught in a rah-rah event may begin as an enjoyable experience, but the potential for injury and the destruction of property is high. A mob mentality can develop unexpectedly leaving people and cars engulfed and at risk. During Carnival, rah-rahs continuously form without warning; some rah-rahs have identified themselves with political entities, lending further potential for violence.

The Haitian police are understaffed, poorly equipped and unable to respond to most calls for assistance.

Cars are supposed to be driven on the right side of the road in Haiti, but few roads have lane indicators and drivers use whatever part of the road is open to them, even if it is not the correct side of the road.

Driving in Haiti must be undertaken with extreme caution. The situation on the roads can be described as chaotic at best, and it is advisable for those with no knowledge of Haitian roads and traffic customs to hire a driver through a local hotel. Roads are generally unmarked, and detailed and accurate maps are not widely available. Lanes are not marked and signs indicating the direction of traffic flow seldom exist. This lack of organization, along with huge potholes that occur without warning, may cause drivers to execute unpredictable and dangerous maneuvers in heavy traffic. The Haitian government lacks adequate resources to assist drivers in distress or to clear the road of accidents or broken-down vehicles blocking the flow of traffic.

Public transportation as it is usually defined does not exist in Haiti. While Haitians use buses, "taptaps" and taxis, which may observe regular routes, much like public transportation; none of these should be considered reliable. The Embassy strongly discourages their use.

Have a magical mystery tour in Haiti! And please take pics for the rest of us.

Dr. Hackenbush

For the Marx Bros. film 'A Day At the Races,' a song was composed for Groucho by the veteran songwriting team of Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby, who had written much of the team's early material, including 'Hooray for Captain Spaulding,' which became Groucho's theme song on 'You Bet Your Life' and forever.

For reasons not exactly clear, the song 'Dr. Hackenbush' (which bears quite a resemblance to 'Hooray for Captain Spaulding') was not included in the film; some say it was because the film was too long. This is too bad, because one can just imagine Groucho and a chorus of doctors performing it.

Luckily, the song survives. Groucho actually recorded it for Decca in the 1950's. Here are the lyrics-

So this is Dr. Hackenbush, the famous medico,
You're welcome, Dr. Hackenbush...

HACKENBUSH:
If that's the case, I'll go

CHORUS:
Oh, no, you mustn't go...

HACKENBUSH
Who said I mustn't go?
The only reason that I came is so that I can go.

I'm Dr. Hackenbush,
My medical standing's very high,
Well, anyways, ladies and gentlemen, I
am Dr. Hackenbush

CHORUS
He's Dr. Hackenbush...

HACKENBUSH:
I'm Dr. Hackenbush,
As a matter of fact, to be exact,
I'm Dr. Hackenbush!

FEMALE SINGER
I'm sure that they'd all like to hear,
Some facts about your great career

HACKENBUSH
Although my horn I hate to blow,
There's one thing that you ought to know:

I'm Dr. Hackenbush
Which all my friends will verify
Well, anyways ladies and gentlemen, I
am Dr. Hackenbush

CHORUS:
He's Dr. Hackenbush

HACKENBUSH
I'm Dr. Hackenbush,
You never would guess, but nevertheless
I'm Dr. Hackenbush!

For ailments abdominal, my charges are nominal
Though I'm great for I've a rate for tonsillectomy,
Sick and healthy, poor and wealthy, come direct to me
"Oh, God bless you!" they yell
When I send them home well,
But they never, no they never, send a check to me.

I've won acclaim for curing ills, both in the north and south,
You'll find my name just like my pills in everybody's mouth;
I've never lost a case...

CHORUS:
He's never lost a case...

HACKENBUSH:
I've lost a lot of patients, but I've never lost a case!

My diagnosis never fails, I know just what to do,
Whenever anybody ails, I'm sympathetic too,
My heart within me melts...

CHORUS:
His heart within him melts...

HACKENBUSH:
No matter what I treat 'em for, they die from something else.

When your nerves start to rock, put your faith in your doc,
When you're sick he will stick to the end,
With the possible exception of your mother,
A doctor's a man's best friend!

CHORUS:
Yes, a doctor's a man's best friend!

HACKENBUSH:
A doctor's a man's best friend, whoa-oh,
A doctor's a man's best friend,

HACKENBUSH & CHORUS:
A doctor is a man's best friend!

HACKENBUSH:
Right or wrong, wrong or right,
Night and day, day and night,
On his call you can always depend;
With the possible exception of your mother and your father
And your uncles and your brothers and your nephews and your nieces
And your sisters and your cousins, whom you number by the dozens...

HACKENBUSH & CHORUS:
A doctor's a man's best friend!

---

I love this contest

Man Wins Bad Writing Contest

SAN FRANCISCO (June 10) - A retired mechanical designer with a penchant for poor prose took a tired detective novel scene and made it even worse, earning him top honors in San Jose State University's annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for bad writing.

Jim Guigli of Carmichael submitted 64 entries into the contest. The judges were most impressed, or revolted perhaps, by his passage about a comely woman who walks into a detective's office.

"Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean," Guigli wrote.

"The judges were impressed by his appalling powers of invention," said Scott Rice, a professor in SJSU's Department of English and Comparative Literature. He has organized the bad writing contest since its inception in 1982.

Guigli will receive "a pittance" for his winning entry, a bit of cash he said he may put toward the purchase of a motor boat.

all the news that fits

The news is really annoying at times. On the Drudge page are two articles that fit that description.

The first is from the NY Post and it's pretty much a run-of-the-mill "we're in World War III and we're all going to die"-type piece. Journalists love to link together four or five semi-related stories to prove a point, to indicate a trend toward something or other. So the writer of this piece does. Mainly he uses North Korea's unsuccessful (in more ways than one) missile launchings of the last week as proof-positive that Armageddon is upon us.

The thing is, people could have said that, and I'm sure did say it, at any point during the last 70 years. There are always crises to deal with. If it's not Hitler, it's the Russians. If it's not the Russians, it's Kim Jong Il or Gaddafi or Saddam or that looney president of Iran.

You know the saying, "Let's stop scaring ourselves to death?" It appears it is used very selectively.

The second article is from the new edition of Time, proclaiming the end of 'cowboy diplomacy.' Again, they use as proof North Korea and the U.S. approach to dealing with it. The simple, and simple-minded, reasoning goes like this: if the U.S. thinks it's a good idea to attack one country, then surely it must attack every country it has disagreements with, or else the policy is a failure. How ridiculous! Every country is different, every situation is different, hence the approach the U.S. takes in each situation is different. In the case of North Korea, it's very obvious what they want, and that is to blackmail the U.S., get it to change its policies and make demands on it. That's why they insist on one-on-one talks. But the U.S. has refused to be drawn into this and instead insists that North Korea's neighbors and trading partners be included in the talks; further, that Russia and China use their influence to rein in North Korea.

Regardless of what administration is in power in Washington, it's a very familiar story for America. If the U.S. goes it alone, it's a 'cowboy.' But too many times when we try to involve other countries, they say, 'Hey, leave us out of this!' At least when it comes to any sort of concrete action, not just endless debate, which they are always up for.

Wikipedia and the Monkees

Lately, when I do a search for something, more often than not one of the links will be to an article in Wikipedia. I've actually gotten quite fond of it and found it to be very useful.
I was very skeptical of it at first... the idea that anybody could 'correct' or add info to an entry seemed to me to be insane. And from what I've heard, at first they had a lot of problems with that. I don't know all the ins and outs of it, but apparently they have editors and safeguards in place now to prevent people who hold a grudge or who are just mischievous from screwing up otherwise accurate entries.
One thing I like about it is that it's very 'pop culture' oriented. You will find entries for subjects that you'd never find in a normal encyclopedia. Obscure actors, films, TV shows, rock bands, albums... they're all there along with the normal fare: history, famous politicians, countries of the world. It's really very impressive, at least to the extent I've seen and used it.

SO... I was looking up something and I saw this pic of a much older group of Monkees, older even than their mid/late 80's reunion after MTV had aired all the original episodes and revived interest in the group. The other odd thing was that Mike Nesmith was in the photo. I looked it up and it started coming back to me... in 1996, to mark the 30th anniversary of the band, they regrouped for a new album, Justus, a TV special on ABC, and a few concert dates here and in England. And it apparently was all Nesmith's idea. He produced the album and wrote the TV show.
I remembered watching it. It was really very clever, the premise being that the original Monkees TV series had never been cancelled and this was the 781st episode. So all the old sets were there, the guys were still playing their assigned roles except now they were all middle-aged men. There were set-pieces for four songs off the new album (one for each Monkee) and the whole thing was quite enjoyable.
And I remembered buying the album as well. Perhaps I had forgotten about it because it was, well, forgettable. It had one good song as I recall by Micky Dolenz and that was about it.
Neither the TV show nor the album was terribly successful, though the handful of concerts drew wildly enthusiastic crowds, both here and in England.

So it was nice to discover, or re-discover, another little footnote to some pop music history I've always been interested it. Thank you, Wikipedia.

Happy Birthday USA!

'Love' part two

Beatles 'Reunion': Exclusive Report

There was only one major no-show on Friday night in Las Vegas for what turned out to be — as much as it could be — a Beatles reunion.

For the premiere of Cirque du Soleil’s stunning new Beatles show, “Love,” at the Mirage Hotel, a group of people came who have not been in the same room since — well, I don’t know — came together for one night only. Who would have thunk it?

Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, and the widows of John Lennon and George Harrison — Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison — united for a moment in time to honor the group's historic accomplishments. They are without a doubt the First Dysfunctional Family of Rock and Roll.

That would have been extraordinary enough, but also present for the event were John’s first wife, Cynthia Lennon, their son, Julian, and Ravi Shankar, Harrison’s great musical influence and friend. For a time after the show was over, this entire gang — as well as Apple Records’ masterminds Neil Aspinall and Jonathan Clyde, plus Paul’s brother in-law/business partner John Eastman, and old friend record producer Peter Asher (there wife Wendy and Robin Williams’ wife Marcia) — filled a very small space set up as a “private” party within a humongous celebration for the 4,000 people who’d come to see the first two official presentations of “Love.

They laughed together, ate together and reminisced. There was much picture taking. As on the stage when “Love” concluded to resounding thunderous applause, standing ovations and tears, McCartney actually kissed Ono. Time stopped. Hell froze over. Ono, who wore a bright white suit and a matching big white floppy hat which she wore all night, kissed him back. She took pictures with Cynthia and Julian, whose financial fate she’s held in her hands often. As a Beatle fan and amateur expert on the lives of these people, I thought maybe I was hallucinating. The whole of them, arms around each other, took victory bows in each of the four corners of the Mirage Theater’s massive stage-in-the-round when the show was over. Paul, dressed in a black suit and white sneakers, looked thin and tired, maybe a little gaunt. This was not all due to flying in that day from London, but his recent marital difficulties were not the topic at hand. Motioning frantically to the fawning, screaming crowd, McCartney quieted us down. “We have to have applause for John and George,” he said of his missing comrades, and the place went crazy. “To John and George!” (Cirque du Soleil creator Guy Laliberte, by the way, dedicated the show at the start to performers Siegfried and Roy, who had a long run in the same theater until their tiger accident. It was a classy note, and the pair was on hand to accept kudos.) Later, in this tricked-up private area for Apple family members, Paul took a corner seat on a white couch and introduced me to his two assistants — a pair of lovely young things. He was accompanied as well by an older looking couple whom he identified as “family.” What did he think about this momentous occasion? “Love” is such a triumph for the Beatles and Cirque du Soleil its genius can barely be described (although I will try to do it justice below). After the show, McCartney was overheard saying to Ringo Starr, a little startled by the magnitude of the evening, “We were a pretty f——ing great group, weren’t we?” Then he cut himself short and said, in a typical McCartney revision, “We were a pretty great group!” Sitting on the white couch, about to receive Shankar, his wife, Ringo and a clutch of well-wishers, Paul seemed wiped out. After all, one of his heroes, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, had been in the audience along with actress Helen Mirren and husband, director Taylor Hackford, plus Edgar Winter, Sheila E. and Colin Hay (all touring with Ringo in his band), Electric Light Orchestra guru Jeff Lynne, songwriter Stephen Bishop, producer Russ Titelman, Barbara Orbison (widow of Roy), Little Steven van Zandt with wife, Maureen, actor Jason Patric, director Gus van Sant, and, improbably, billionaire Ron Burkle. The only person missing? John Lennon’s son with Ono, Sean. He’d been advertised but never showed. Ono arrived and walked the red carpet with her publicist. It was a bit reminiscent of last winter’s Grammy Heroes dinner in New York when Sean was conspicuously absent. On Friday night there was no explanation, which was odd considering that Sean has been photographed out on the town in New York a lot this past month. So it was in front of all these people that McCartney — with Ono in the white hat and all the exhaustion of bearing up from a barrage of public, embarrassing “revelations” about his soon to be ex-wife, Heather — watched “Love” in its entirety for the first time. His voice and his songs constitute a good 75 percent of the show. It would have been an overwhelming experience for anyone. “I thought it was wonderful,” he said, shaking his head, still taking it in. He’d kind of collapsed into the couch, eating vegetarian dishes that were only available in his section of the party. “It’s the first time I’ve seen it all the way through. I have to see it again.” Within a second we were overcome by a wave of guests who wanted to find him, including Starr and wife, Barbara Bach. Across the way, maybe 20 feet at most, sitting on another couch, Ono plopped down next to Cynthia, the woman whose marriage she broke up some 40 years ago. “Thank you for coming to my party,” Ono said incongruously. Cynthia just smiled for the photographers. Later, I said to her, “I saw you talking to Yoko.” She replied, “You saw her talking to me.” She paused. “It’s not like she gave me her phone number and said let’s get together.” The first Mrs. John Lennon shook her head in disbelief. “I think they call that a photo op.” Cynthia had just received bad news that afternoon: she’d lost a close friend in Spain to cancer. She told me, “Between that and the show, I was close to tears at the end. I mean, the show really moved me. I was just at that point where I was going to start crying.” Director Hackford (“Ray,” “Officer and a Gentleman”) told me he’d felt the same way, too. “It’s our generation,” he said. “We know this music and what it means to us. It was very emotional.” Mirren concurred, as did everyone else including even the guys from EMI Music — Phil Quartararo, Dave Munns and Johnny Barbis — who rep the Beatles in all recordings. Indeed, the Cirque du Soleil show is very emotional, especially as the almost too-short 90-minute spectacular starts heading toward its finale. I think that may be what did McCartney in, seeing video of the Beatles — really exceptionally well edited — contrasted with the entire cast of the show dancing to “All You Need Is Love.” The show — which has a magical combination of acrobatics, ballet, video, and fanciful sets and costumes — suddenly gels disarmingly. Realizing the end is at hand is almost upsetting. You want this one last trip to the fantasy that was the Beatles never to end. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The real success of “Love” depends a lot on Sir George Martin, the Beatles’ producer. Watching the show, you can only think that none of this would be possible if the person who assembled the music didn’t know it inside and out. Martin and son Giles have literally taken the Beatles original recordings and, in many instances, turned them inside out. Some songs are intact, but they are few. Instead, the Martins have pieces together unexpected medleys, woven in bits and pieces of the Beatles music with other fragments, and then stitched them like elements of a tapestry into a larger setting. There’s no song list, and I hope I actually caught all the little references. For example, one of the central pieces is a masterpiece rendering of "Octopus’s Garden." The Martins have configured it so that another Ringo song, “Good Night,” is playing behind it until the whole thing becomes a nursery rhyme. It’s just splendid. Imagine that the show begins with the opening night of “A Hard Day’s Night” segued right into the drum solo from the end of “Abbey Road.” These two things ordinarily would have nothing to do with each other. They are followed by a snippet of “Because” and then “Get Back,” the song that sets the tone for the show. Suddenly we’re in London during the Blitz, when each of the Beatles was born. “Eleanor Rigby” depicts Liverpool in World War II, and “I Am the Walrus” takes on new significance. (Director Dominic Champagne told us he loves the lyric “I am he/As you are he/As you are me/And we are all together.”) Then, quickly, it’s the Sixties, all Beatlemania and Carnaby Street: “I Want to Hold Your Hand,” “Drive My Car,” “What You’re Doing” and “The Word” comprise a thrilling medley as the video projections and the actors recall an innocent time. From then on, the plot — such as it is — doesn’t really matter. “Love” begins mixing and matching all the material from “Penny Lane” and the "Sgt. Pepper" album through the "White Album" and "Abbey Road." Each number is a self-contained little gem, almost like a Joseph Cornell box stuffed full of unusual artifacts. Some favorites: George Harrison’s “Within You, Without You” features a bed that rises to the ceiling and unleashes a massive, billowing white sheet that covers all 2,000 audience members. “Lady Madonna” is a stomping percussive number depicted by many pairs of children’s slicker yellow boots dancing on tricycles. “Strawberry Fields” takes place inside Cirque du Soleil’s idea of a lava lamp. With no exception, each number is its own little masterpiece. But there are bigger pieces, too, like a wild Dr. Seuss-type carnival that breaks out for “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite.” In “Help,” teams of extreme skaters, dressed in black and white like football refs, are choreographed on curved ramps. This is sure to be one of the most popular numbers, and one that we see on TV as a clip. As Ed Sullivan used to say, the kids are going to love it. Sometimes less is more, as in a cool ballet solo number by Charlotte O’Dowd performed to “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.” And other times, it’s all about being awesome as when “A Day in the Life” becomes a multimedia event that culminates in a Volkswagen Beetle (get it — there are two of them, used as metaphors) suddenly breaks apart into pieces. And there’s a longish medley — “Can You Take Me Back,” "Revolution” and “Back in the USSR” that finishes with a previously unreleased (no one could place it, and it’s not from a Beatles Anthology) acoustic version of “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” that is breathtaking. There are plenty of other songs, too, don’t worry: “Hey Jude,” “Something,” “Come Together,” “Yesterday,” “Blackbird” and “Here Comes the Sun” — staged with remote-control miniature trains carrying little dishes of light — are all in there. There are bits of “Let it Be,” “Tomorrow Never Knows” and “Magical Mystery Tour.” And some that I thought were missing — like “In My Life” and “We Can Work It Out” — who knows? Maybe they’ll turn up in a sequel. “Love” is just an exhilarating, phenomenal show; one that will not only revive the Beatles catalog but bring their music to a whole new generation. The fact that it works at all is due not only to the Martins, but to director Champagne (what a name) and his incredibly talented cast and crew. They mix video, light and sound in what seem like groundbreaking ways. That it all seems new and fresh and alive is a real achievement. (The huge theater is actually bifurcated four ways by see-through scrims that are also video screens.) Now every rock group from The Stones and the Who to the Beach Boys and even Three Dog Night will want a show like this. But there’s only one Beatles, and with "Love," they’ve participated in yet another cultural milestone.

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